Sunday, October 9, 2011

The worst hot dog ever

There are some authors who always have hilariously awkward stories about their lives. I love stories like that! But I rarely have them because I rarely go anywhere.

Well, last weekend I went with my sister to an indie craft fair where she was selling her art. This craft fair had one food vendor (besides people selling the ubiquitous hipster food of the moment, cupcakes) and it was a hot dog cart. Being trapped at a table for about 8 hours as we were, we got hungry and needed food from said hot dog cart. There was always a huge line, but eventually we got so hungry I was willing to brave it.

I got down the stairs and forged through crowds of people to the cart only to be told it was closed for their lunch break and would reopen in 20 minutes. About 40 minutes later (we could see it out of a window behind us) it actually opened. People lined up. They'd been waiting for hot dogs. I watched the line, focusing on a man in a red shirt near the back for visual reference. 20 minutes later, THAT MAN HAD NOT MOVED.

What were these hot dogs, I wondered? Were they grinding the meat themselves? But we were SO HUNGRY. I got in line. I was about the 10th person and after a bit I calculated that it was taking them 5 minutes for each individual hot dog.

I still don't understand. Did they have one teeny tiny cooking apparatus that could only make one hot dog at once?

I waited 40+ minutes to near the front of the line. I was almost there when they said they were out of buns and were going to shut down.

"Can I just get a hot dog without the bun?" I cried, in anguish. If you've ever known me when I'm hungry, you'll know I'm good at crying things in anguish. The man in front of me, slated to have the last bun, refused his hot dog, said I could have it, and walked off. ! Who says chivalry is dead? But I had no bun for my sister, who was perhaps even hungrier than me. I had to bring her a (veggie) dog rolling around in some mustard and ketchup.

The hot dog itself was perplexing. The bun itself had been cooked, inside and out. Although one of the main points of a bun really should be to protect one's fingers from hot dog grease, no such luck here. The bun was greasy and toasty. It was a cheap, sickly sweet store brand hot dog bun with an equally bad hot dog inside.

Guys, I'd forgotten how bad hot dogs can taste. At home I always buy Maverick Ranch lean, low-sodium, flavor packed natural humanely raised beef hot dogs and heap them with Bubbie's fresh sauerkraut (or now, the yummy sweet-hot pickles I bought from a booth at the craft fair). My sister's smelled like it was probably a TofuPup. I can't believe I paid $5 for that.

If I could go back in time, I might've lived on the cupcakes after all.

In other news, Between the Sea and Sky is on NetGalley right now, so if that's your thing, you can find it there!


  1. Your sister needs to learn the art of bringing her own food. After years of doing shows in hotels, we'd be deep in the hole (even deeper than we are now) if we'd relied on the food available on premises. $5 for even a good hot dog is just too much.

    Hope you otherwise had fun!

  2. Yeah... hot dogs are one of this things that you really have to get the right kind or else... well, it's quite bad.

  3. Well, it was $5 for both of us and chips. But I had figured, having a cute little cart and all, they would at least be as good as the hot dogs sold in downtown Orlando. But nooo. My sister has only done like, three shows, so it's not like we're exactly pros at this yet. Also indie craft shows often have DELICIOUS food so it's kind of a treat that goes along with it!