M is for May and Magic Under Glass Contest!!

It's MAAAAAYYY!

News flash: I just got in my Between the Sea and Sky ARCs. And there are enough to go around! So I'm revising this contest and giving away two ARCs! And I'm extending the deadline until June 7th, the original Between the Sea and Sky release date, so you have a little more time. Sorry about the rule tweaks, I don't usually do that, but it's an EXCITING rule tweak.

That means the Magic Under Glass paperback will be available in three weeks! And I just got my first official paperback in the mail. It is pretty! It has a Between the Sea and Sky teaser inside!

So, I want to have a contest for FANS of Magic Under Glass. All of you guys who have read the book and talked about it have my gratitude. But what can I give you? I can't just hand out paperback copies because obviously you've already read it. But I can give out an extra-special copy. So, the grand prize winner of this contest gets:

--A paperback copy of Magic Under Glass laden with sketches of all the characters and handwritten notes about the writing and research and maybe a couple of hints about what happens in Magic Under Stone!
--AND, an ARC of Between the Sea and Sky!

There will also be a runner-up prize of a signed UK copy of Magic Under Glass with a sketch of Erris and Nimira in the front AND, an ARC of Between the Sea and Sky.

How do you enter?

Well, there are two ways. Write a review of Magic Under Glass and post it your blog that mentions the paperback is coming out May 24th (if you don't have a blog, I'll also accept Goodreads or Amazon, in which case you don't have to mention the release date), OR if you have already written a review, make a post that mentions the paperback release and links back to your old review.

OR if you aren't the reviewing sort, you can create any kind of show of love for Magic Under Glass: fan art, fan fic, animation, movie, collage, doll, performance art, Erris-trapped-in-clockwork mime on a street corner, WHATEVER.

Post here and link to what you did. I will select my favorite 20% of these reviews or fan creations and randomly draw the grand prize from among them. I will randomly draw the runner up prize from ALL entries.

Other details:
1. Contest ends June 7th.
2. International entries are welcome! However, it is really expensive to ship overseas and I am kinda poor, so international winners will have to choose between having the first prize shipped now, or both prizes shipped around the release of Between the Sea and Sky.
3. Can you enter with a less-than-positive review? Yes. I don't want people to start freaking out about their reviews having critical comments. Thoughtful reviews are always appreciated even if they are mixed.
4. Can you enter more than once with say, a review and fan art or whatever? Well, sure! That would be awesome. You are welcome to enter up to three times with a review and/or different fan works, and I'd be surprised if anyone wanted to enter more than that anyway...

Thank yoooou!!! + Magic Under Glass comics!

Today is the last day of my debut year. And what a year it has been. There were times of immense stress...and times of immense joy. But the best part of all was getting to meet and talk to fans, and seeing that, a year later, my book is still being talked about here and there. Still getting reviewed, still getting added to Goodreads. I appreciate all these signs of life SOOO much! I hope that you'll like the sequel in 2012 and, before that, Between the Sea and Sky. I couldn't really do too many nifty things for Magic Under Glass because I had a repetitive stress injury at the time, but I have a few neat little plans for Sea and Sky.

For today, however, enjoy these Magic Under Glass comics I made (a while back, actually...I've been lazy about scanning them, as you can probably tell since one addresses the new cover which only came out MOOOONTHS ago). Click to see them bigger! (Sorry the text is kind of hard to read otherwise...>_<)

Interview Roundup

Yeesh. I've been meaning to do this for MONTHS, but when Magic Under Glass came out, I was in the midst of confusing hand pain hell, and didn't pursue any interviews. I did all the interviews people asked me if I would do, but then I didn't do much of a job publicizing them. I am so SOOO appreciative of all the people who did approach me and ask to interview me. I also feel bad that I didn't really keep track of where I did interviews at the time. Well, I just spent an hour Googling myself (a hazardous occupation at any time...did you know some libraries list how many times a book has been checked out? I didn't know this until today...) so I could compile this belated list of interviews! See me answer the question "how did you get the idea for Magic Under Glass?" ten different ways!

Authors Unleashed
Bloomsbury UK
The Book Butterfly (Guest post: Interview with Erris from "The Young Maiden's Own Magazine")
The Book Report
The Book Scout
The Compulsive Reader
DaydreamerN's Reviews
Drenched in Words (L. K. Madigan)
The Enchanted Inkpot
GreenBeanTeenQueen
The Hiding Spot
In Bed With Books
LiyanaLand!
LiyanaLand! (Interview with Nimira.)
LiyanaLand! (Deleted scene with the original version of Erris, at the bottom of the post.)
Manga Maniac Cafe
Oasis for YA
Post Mortem (A very fun interview between Jackie Morse Kessler's Death and my Erris.)
The Spectacle
Tea Mouse
Trashionista
Windowpane Memoirs
YA Highway

(P. S. Almost forgot, if you did an interview with me that Google didn't turn up, don't be shy! Let me know so I can add it to the list.)

The many evolutions of Magic Under Glass: SPOILERS! Annalie and Karstor

Karstor was not in the first version of Magic Under Glass at all. Garvin, on the other hand, was alive and well. Okay, maybe not that well. He had an OMINOUS COUGH.

Karstor first turned up in version 2, where he was a bit more unsettling, more creepy foreign necromancer than helpful guy who is next in line for head of the Sorcerer's Council. At this point Nimira wasn't supposed to be sure who was the good guy:

“Good evening, Hollin.” A man stepped in to our conversation, his lips already fixed in a sardonic twist; I gathered that he and Hollin did not get along. “You must introduce me to your guest.” He had a foreign accent; a slight heaviness to certain syllables, a sharpness to his ‘r’s.
“This is Nimira,” Hollin said, his manner very stiff. “She will be the Lucida Moria to Roman’s Alberre Ranson.”
Only the man’s eyes and fingers moved—two fingers sliding thoughtfully against each other, eyes touching upon me before fixing on Hollin. “Will she, now?”
“Go away,” Hollin said. “Find a corner and pout.”
“Let me have a moment with your ‘Lucida Moria’.”
Hollin’s fingers wrapped round my arm. When I tried to pull away, they tightened. “I said, go away.”
“Don’t be difficult,” the man said. “What would I do with her that should frighten you? I only want to speak to this woman who is spending time with Roman.”
“Frightened? Of you? You’ll always be a step behind me.” Hollin paused, and then released my arm. “Fine, speak with her, but only because I don’t feel like arguing about it.”

Annalie, originally, was going to be like the character who often appears in Victorian fiction who is ILL and BEARS HER FATE WITH BRAVERY but occasionally REGRET. This is from version 1:

“Nim,” Annalie repeated. “Nimira. It’s pretty. Does it mean something?”
“Strong and solid.” I smiled. “My mother said it was because I had such thick legs as a baby, and I wouldn’t stop kicking. Apparently I kicked my parents in the face on more than a few occasions. It doesn’t make me sound very delicate, does it?”
“It might be good to be strong and solid,” she said. “How old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“Only sixteen. Just the age I was when—“ She faltered. “When everything happened.” She pointed to a photograph in a silver frame, sitting atop a bookshelf. “See me there? Just a regular girl, so happy to be getting married.”
I rose from my seat to get a closer look at the picture of a girl with brown hair swept high and topped with a headdress of tiny beads and orange blossoms. Her soft eyes and soft smile seemed to suggest a future filled with golden days and simple delights.
“You were beautiful,” I said, and then realized this sounded rude. “Or—still are, I mean—“
“I know. I’m not beautiful like this. Anyway, I’ve learned there’s more to my life than that. All those silly dreams I once had for myself are dead and gone.”


Now I kind of want to slap her. Well, she was just a bit player, really, and she was married to creepy over-the-top Hollin, so I figured she had to be kind of...well, I don't want to say dumb, because smart women can make bad decisions, but either naive or desperate or easily deluded. But when Hollin changed in version 2, Annalie needed to change as well. The new Hollin just wouldn't have fallen for the original Annalie. I wanted them to have shared a real connection in the past, a desire for adventure and a desire to escape the society they had grown up in.

Thus concludes my series of posts on the character's origins. Crazy. And now I'd better go pack because by this time tomorrow I'll be heading for the airport to go to DC!

The many evolutions of Magic Under Glass: Hollin

So, Hollin Parry, as I said, started out as Hollin Perris. Hollin's character ended up dictating the entire tone of the book. Yes, indeedy. In the original version, I imagined Magic Under Glass as...well, I don't want to say comedy, that's a little strong, but all the characters were exaggerated or skewed forms of some trope of Victorian fiction, more Penny Dreadful than Serious Gothic Novel; Nimira was the plucky girl from low circumstances, Annalie was the weepy, wise martyr, and Hollin was an arrogant, exaggerated villain (and a womanizer). His introduction, in fact, which happens while Nimira is hiding in a closet, was a joke. A sex joke. Or not:

“It’s just as I was saying at Nurembel’s over the summer. Magic is nothing to fear. In this age of progress, there’s no reason we can’t have mastery over magic and science alike,” Hollin said.
I meant, at any moment, to crawl out of my hiding place, find Ronna and Lariza, and beg for a scrap of bread. But it was hard to give up my prime locale for spying. Perhaps I’d find out what had happened the other night.
“I suppose…you might be right....,” Mrs. Swanney said, tentative and breathless. Of course, she grew breathless very easily.
“Yes, Elsba… You’ll soon see…” A pause. “We’re entering a new age. One day, they’ll look back and say these years—our years—were the dawn of the defining age of man.”
“Hollin…”
“Shh…”
Another pause—a longer one. Oh my.
And then, “Hollin…(gasp)…what about…Annalie?”
“Elsba, you know I only keep Annalie around out of the goodness of my heart. She’s not right in the head. I would tell the world about us if I could, but it wouldn’t do to invite scandal when I’m new in office. Please trust that you are all mine. I don’t like to see my little truffle sad.”
With difficulty, I suppressed laughter.
“No…but little truffle is sad…” The thought of graying Mrs. Swanney casting pouty eyes at anyone was very disturbing.
“I bet I know what you’d like…”
“Oh, Hollin…you don’t have to…oh, heavens, look at the size of it!”
I cringed.
“Yes. I did. And with all the money I’m making from Roman, you’ll have more gems and furs than you know what to do with.” I thanked the heavens they were just talking about gems and furs.


Whoa, super different, right? I was not very good at writing villains. I seemed to only know how to write them comedically over the top. An agent who read the full told me to tone him down and make him more serious.

So, I thought long and hard about Hollin. If he wasn't going to be funny, he would have to change a lot, in my mind. Become a real person whose motivations I could understand. I also happened to be browsing photos at this time, and I came upon this photo of photographer Carl Van Vechten and his wife.



I didn't know who these people were, but I was mesmerized by their expressions. It struck me as so perfect for Hollin and Annalie that I don't know what the book might have been like without this photograph. (Carl Van Vechten, for the record, was a writer and photographer who was interested in black culture and involved with the Harlem Renaissance; he was also bi- or homosexual. Not very Hollin-like, although Hollin does have that fascination with other human cultures than his own, so maybe.)

So, I started thinking about Hollin. He was a hard character to identify with. He's bigoted against fairies, yet charmed by Nimira...he thinks he's being kind of a rebel by talking to her, but his interest in her is as a lovely, exotic figure and not a real person, but even this is progressive for his background. He had to be somewhat of a coward, to make so many bad decisions. I became sympathetic to him, and now his introduction reflects it; Nimira has come to expect a villain and finds someone complicated:

The door creaked open again. I expected Mrs. Swanney, but a man entered the room. His glance touched upon me before he shut the door; dark eyes, striking in a face too pale to hold them. I could not have begun to guess his age. The lines of his face were clear, almost boyish, but the eyes were knowing. His short blonde hair was brushed across from a side-part, adding to an overall sleekness of form.
He clasped his hands behind his back. “You must be Nimira, the dancer from Tassim. I hear you will be regaling us with a performance shortly.”
“Yes.” I was a little bewildered to be approached this way.
He joined me on the couch, smoothing the front of his jacket. He wore a trim suit of deep blue. A large, intricate silver key on a golden chain hung just below his black and cream striped cravat.
He extended a thin hand to me. Roman had been the only other gentleman to offer me a handshake, even when I was a dancer, but especially now, grubby as I was. “I am Hollin Perris. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”
Hollin Perris! My hand flinched before I placed it in his. Did he seem like a man who could murder another? Yes, now that I considered it, I thought he did. He didn’t radiate evil like a villain in a play, but he looked like a man who would do what needed to be done. I shook his hand with mingled fascination and terror. His hands were cool, mine warm and moist.

But what was the trouble with this version? Well, I still had Roman as the love interest, and Erris running around as a ghost, and now Hollin began to seem like an actual contender for Nimira's affection. Roman was so bland compared to Mr. Inner Conflict over here. And yet, Hollin did make some absolutely loathsome choices, so I was hesitant to have Nimira actually fall for him. She seemed too smart for that! Which led me to big change in version three, described in the last post.

Next: One more to go! Annalie and Karstor gain some spark of life.

P. S. I can't get the words to fit properly around that stupid picture. GRR. Sorry about the wonky formatting.

The many evolutions of Magic Under Glass: Erris

So, in the original Magic Under Glass, there was a clockwork man named Roman. He looked like an ordinary sort of dude on the outside, but there was a big reveal where you find out GASP! HE'S CLOCKWORK.



Still, it was just my luck. I couldn’t even fall in love with some sensitive gentleman in the crowd, no, I had to fall for the clockwork man whose very life seemed to be in the hands of the enemy. This wasn’t even like me. I didn’t fall in love; I always supposed I would enter into it, in a slow, practical fashion. Famous last words.
I didn’t want to like Roman. I didn’t want to like anyone associated with Hollin Perris. But I couldn’t help it.
Roman stopped in the middle of the room, and bowed in my direction. When he stood, he raked his fingers back through his disheveled brown hair, and then looked at me, with eyes dark and strange in a way I couldn’t quite place, but compelling. His features, though not traditionally handsome, made a harmonious blend of intelligence, kindness, and a touch of intriguing sadness.

Nimira falls in love with Roman, and has to rescue him from Hollin, who was a complete and utter jerk. (Note, Hollin's name used to be Hollin Perris! I changed it when I realized I couldn't have an Erris and a Perris!) At the end there is a big confrontation wherein Roman punches someone, and then gets taken down by magic. Roman had all the things a hero should have--a tragic past, hobbies (he played piano and painted too!), a sense of humor, a heroic nature...

And yet, I was pretty blase about him, I must admit. Meanwhile, Nimira had a ghost friend, who had lived a decadent life in the late 18th-century equivalent amongst a large family abroad, come to Lorinar for school, fallen in love with a chambermaid or something, and been shot in some duel or something. He was a dandy who smoked and talked about girls a lot, and was quite a bit funnier than Roman. He had become a ghost because he was too scared to pass to the next world, but it helping Nimira, he became more courageous, and at the end he goes, finally, to his true death.



“You don’t seem like the others,” the ghost said.
“Clearly. I’m from Tiansher, in the Shai Mountains, and before I came here, I was a dancer.”
“Exotic and lovely. You remind me of my youth back in Drussa. Such parties we had, with all sorts of foreigners and eccentrics. My uncle once hosted the entourage of a princess of Tajeneer. You’ve never seen such flexible women.”
I blushed, and realized this conversation was getting far more comfortable than it ought to. “Sir, you really should go.”
“I’m sorry—how rude. Ghosts have no manners whatsoever. Let me introduce myself. My name is Erris Tarschirbe, so you need not call me sir.”

This was not a popular decision with beta readers. I had glorious plans for the Queen of the Dead to offer Erris another chance at life in a sequel, but (wisely) beta readers pointed out, what if there WAS no sequel? You can't have the most charming guy DIE! Why doesn't Nimira end up with him anyway?

I didn't see how Nimira could end up with Erris, though. Roman was such a big part of the plot, and Erris was a GHOST. How could I--? But--? *sputter*

Well, obviously, with the final version, I had a revelation that I could combine them. Some of Roman's heroic nature and his situation was given to Erris. And it wasn't until revisions with my editor that Erris became a fairy prince (and got a last name change)! I also killed his smoking habit, cause, you know, it's one thing for the ghost friend to smoke, but for the love interest, ick.

I also learned an important revision lesson--where two characters aren't quite working, one might work just fine.

Next: How Hollin Perris, moustache-twirling villain sans moustache, became Byronic almost-hero Hollin Parry.

The many evolutions of Magic Under Glass: Nimira

People are often surprised just how much revision can go into a book. It's not just tweaking things, it's often rewriting the entire book more than once. Even editorial changes can be HUGE. I'm revising Between the Sea and Sky right now and probably writing more than half "from scratch"...but it feels way way easier to me than writing a first draft. I know the characters by now, and things feel a lot clearer than they did in the beginning. I wholeheartedly agree with my editor's suggestions, huge as they might sound at first.

Magic Under Glass went through two COMPLETE rewrites before my agent signed it. She had minor tweaks, and when it sold, my editor had less minor edits, but after rewriting the book twice...well, they didn't sound bad at all.

I thought I'd do a few posts talking about the changes the book went through, particularly the characters. One of the biggest problem areas for this particular book for me was the characters. Many of the rejections I received pointed out that they were not that strong, didn't have clear growth arcs, and acted more childish than the plot warranted. Yeah, they needed work. I'll cover all the main characters in a series of posts this week.

Nimira

Originally Nimira was a peasant girl whose father sold her to a dance troupe for money. The dance troupe didn't do very well, so the dance troupe leader sold her to work in the house of a wealthy woman named Mrs. Swanney. From there, she ended up at Hollin's and earned freedom and love, blah blah. In the original version, there was a lot more of her dancing and a lot more remembering home. Although some people have supposed that Nimira's home country is based on India, in the earliest version I think China is clearly the largest influence. Nimira was always practical and had a sense of humor:

“This will be your room,” the maid said, pushing the door open. It creaked on its hinges as if protesting our intrusion. Through the light of one window, I saw a small, sagging bed in the midst of dusty boxes, two straw brooms, and a smattering of cobwebs.
“Wow, my own room.” I said the words with sincerity, but I thought them sarcastically.

Still, while the story progressed, her character never really did. Her only problem was getting out of her bad external situation, but it never went any deeper. By the second version, I was more focused on the idea that Nimira's life had hardened her to some degree, making her too focused on practical survival rather than her heart. (Note, in these first two versions, Erris was not the love interest. More on that later!):

. “Nim, I think falling in love would be good for you. You’re not very romantic, you know—in fact, you’re downright stolid. Always trying to work hard and be practical.”
“I am practical. I’ve always been practical.” I didn’t see what was wrong with that. “Anyway, I have to be. At home, I had to care for my younger sister and brother, and then I was the oldest girl in the dance troupe—“
Erris slapped his hands together, startling me. “Yes, that’s it! You’re the oldest. You’re always so very much the oldest. You act as if you have a terrific weight on your shoulders.”
“But I do. I’m a slave. I have to work hard, or I’ll be sent to a…a brothel.”
“But why don’t you run away? You could join an acting troupe or a circus.”
Suddenly I felt very angry with him. It was easy for him to say, being a ghost without particular responsibilities. “That stuff is for stories, Erris. I’m sorry. We’ll have to talk later. Ronna is probably looking for me.”

It was better, but I still didn't really like Nimira as much as I should. I liked her best when she was funny and proud, but it felt a little out of place with her background of living on a farm and taking care of younger siblings. In the version that sold, Nimira was a dancer at the royal court and an only child, with a lot more pride that had kept her from connecting with people in the past, and makes her fall hard and fast for Erris. She is no longer a slave, but a girl who made her own choice to come to Lorinar. In the final version, I finally really understood her.

Next up: How Erris went from melodramatic ghost to fairy prince!

Historical Automata and Magic Under Glass

One of the aspects readers of Magic Under Glass seem to often be enthralled by is the clockwork man, or automaton, Erris, who comes to life. There are other books with clockwork people coming to life, more of them adult than YA/children's, although I imagine we'll see more, as the steampunk trend is far from over.

I would not call Magic Under Glass true steampunk, though. It doesn't take place in a world where steam power is widely used, there is none of the action-packed gadgetry that usually characterizes steampunk; no airships, no one sporting goggles. It doesn't have technology outside of the real 19th century as we knew it. The automaton Erris is inspired, largely, on an automaton by Jaquet-Droz called "The Musician", constructed in the 18th century. (Originally, I intended the automaton Erris to be much older, which is why he is dressed in 18th century clothes. I later decided fairies could still be wearing 18th century clothes anyway...fairies wearing dour Victorian suits just doesn't seem to match!)

Automata have been constructed and discussed since ancient times--the ancient Greeks were said to have made moving statues--but they really became popular during the Age of Enlightenment. "The Musician" was a lady seated at an organ, displayed in the court of Marie-Antoinette and Louis XVI. Her chest moves as if she is breathing, and her eyes follow the keys and look up to the audience. Her motions are very similar to Erris's as he plays. Another famous automaton was a duck, which appeared to eat and digest food and produce feces, although of course the feces was really pre-made and stored within the duck. Kind of like an 18th century "Baby Alive" doll.

While France is known for is 18th century automata, there were also automata called "Karakuri" in Japan around the same time, which are also very beautiful. The seed of Magic Under Glass was actually planted by an exhibit I saw of these automata at the Morikami Museum in south Florida. These were small, graceful automaton that evoked (and influenced) Japanese theater traditions like Noh and Kabuki...although, alas, they didn't show any moving at the exhibit.

One famous automaton that inspired Magic Under Glass was "The Turk", which was actually a magnificent hoax. The Turk was a chess-playing automaton that wore a turban and robes, sitting at a cabinet with his chessboard. He played a strong game of Chess against any human opponent, which naturally perplexed (and no doubt, often creeped out) the Austrian court where it was first displayed, and many more people afterward. It was a long time before the full extent of the mystery was revealed. (There was a man inside the automaton, playing the chess game, but if you're curious about the details, I recommend reading the very enjoyable The Turk: The Life and Times of the Famous Eighteenth-Century Chess-Playing Machine by Tom Standage.)

Magic Under Glass came from the question: what if the chess-playing automaton had not been a hoax? What if he could really think, and how would that be possible? The answer, of course, must be magic.

Sources/More Information:

http://www.karakuri.info (Japanese automata)
The now defunct automates-anciens site. (Weep! This was such a great site!)
The Turk: The Life and Times of the Famous Eighteenth-Century Chess-Playing Machine by Tom Standage. Walker, 2002.

Magic Under Glass, Deleted Scene

I don't have much in the way of deleted scenes for Magic Under Glass. But there is one complete scene that was taken out because it didn't really further the plot. It's really just a bit of Nimira's character. This scene would have fit in as the last part of chapter 8, which is a dinner conversation between Nimira and Hollin where she first hears of Smollings' visit.



I slipped out into the summer evening, dearly wishing for the companionable solitude of trees and wind. The sky was a washed-out blue, with the western clouds still brushed golden by the setting sun. I hurried along the edge of the garden, hoping no servant would bid me back inside. When I reached the copse of trees, I kept going. The suggestion of a path cut through a field of grasses. I wondered if humans had made it, and if Hollin and Annalie had once roamed here, or if it was merely a passage for rabbits or some other forest creature.

My shoes squished in shallow puddles of fetid muck. Grasses with spiny, feathery heads dragged at the fabric of my skirt. Little green things stuck to the hem. I knew I should have been dismayed to soil Annalie’s clothes; instead I felt an unreasonable satisfaction that I could do as I liked with them.

A few bats fluttered far above my head, and something trilled in the fields, either insect or frog. The cool wind of night swished through the grass. The sky was darkening fast, but I wasn’t afraid.

I slipped into memories as I walked. I recalled playing in the court gardens with the other children. We all took roles from myths and stories. Most girls chose to be the queens and princesses, but I liked to be the wise mountain dragon who doled out tasks for the boys pretending to be warriors. If they got into trouble, I would sigh and pretend to fly from my mountain—a rock half my height—to bail them out of trouble with my dragon powers.

I wondered if it was possible to forget oneself. If I stayed with Hollin, would I still be the same Nim? I hadn’t practiced dancing in days, and I could easily see this stretching into weeks and years. Here I was, on the doorstep of wealth and privilege. It wasn’t my first desire to be merely a rich man’s wife or mistress, but I had known for a long time that I would never follow my mother. I should have been so happy, and yet, for the first time, I imagined myself as the wife of a farmer, back home in Tiansher, with some delusion of nostalgia.

I would gather at the river to talk to the other women in my native tongue.

I would sit and embroider sashes and slippers for upcoming festivals, with delicious anticipation of their debut.

I would grind spices with mortar and pestle, and stir them in the cooking oil; before long I would bring to the table a dish
of such simplicity, yet such exquisite savory that I would never want for the cold pork and boiled vegetables of Lorinar.

I would have a little daughter to teach the songs and dances.

I would have twelve children like Uncle Sancham’s wife, six of them dead by their first year.

I would wake before everyone to tend to the animals, with the thick smell of dung in my nose, and sleep in my eyes.

I would have leathered hands and face from the sun, and breasts that sagged over my sash from all the children, and I wouldn’t bathe often, because peasants hadn’t the time for such things.

I felt such a selfish wretch. Fate had offered me more choices in seventeen years than most women ever had; how dare I wish for more? I looked at Vestenveld from afar, a stone monolith, and knew my choices were narrowing.

I must grow up. I must make that final choice. But I would not lose Nimira. If only I knew just what Nimira really was.